I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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