i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about my life...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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