Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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