I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize