Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it because I queefed?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
