Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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