I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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