you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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