Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
