I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
