After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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