Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
