This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
