i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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