No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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