Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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