I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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