i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
