He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
