I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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