...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize