I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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