Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
