Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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