he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
