My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
