So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
