just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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