Whod you bang
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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