my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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