omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
