Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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