Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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