dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im six kinds of drunk right now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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