mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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