His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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