i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
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