How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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