saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
