Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
