u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
