I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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