GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
