i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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