it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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