I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
