well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize