Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
