The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
