the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
