i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You may now shotgun with the bride
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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