We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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