on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
