she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
