Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
