Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
