it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
