oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
