i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
