I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
