she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
