I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My ass is underappreciated
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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