i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
