okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
