Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize