I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
