is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
