Nicole vs. Life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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